February 6, 2011
Possibly the best Super Bowl I've ever watched. I'm glad it turned around. The game was great! Commercials made us laugh. Music could have been better if we could have heard the music behind the vocals but still better than in recent years. Only one hiccup. . . . Why is this great game making us sad??
'Jerry World,' as we like to call it, is now a large part of our son's life.
This past September Dean and I traveled to Arlington to watch the Yankees play the Rangers. September 11th a very special day in itself but to watch the Yankees at the same time. Priceless! There was also one other 'event' that only Dean and I knew about at the time. Our trip was extra special because we knew that this was our first trip not as a couple but a family of three!
We were treated to a great game won in the 9th inning by the Rangers! We saw a tremendous rarity when Yankees great closer BLEW the game! Bottom of the 9th Rangers down 5-6 after a rally in the top of the 8th Yankees. Top of the 9th Rangers held Yankees. Now it was time for the Rangers to go to work! Yankee fans begin leaving the stadium as their closer approached the mound cheering "game is over." Little did they know they were missing what I feel was history!
Bottom of the 9th, bases LOADED I make some sort of smart mouth comment that the way this inning is going why don't he (the pitcher) just walk the winning run? It would make TV? Haha Next thing we saw was truly priceless!! Mariano Rivera HITS Jeff Francoeur and WALKS in the winning run! Holy Cow!! I would have LOVED to have seen the faces of all the Yankee fans who left the game early (cheering might I add) because they 'knew' it was over and they were victorious!
The next day we spent most of the day wondering around Dallas Cowboy's Stadium. It was absolutely amazing! The day before we went to look around the Pro Shop and find a couple of gift to bring back home. When we arrived the box office said that they were sold out of guided tours of the stadium but we could buy tickets for the self guided tour. We decided we would wait on buying tickets because the self guided tour didn't have a limit on tickets sold. We spent a couple of hours touring the Pro Shop and when we walked out we had to walk by the box office to get to the car. In the time that we spent in the Pro Shop they Opened! several guided tours for the next day! We were beyond excited! We loved the tour!
It was neat watching the Super Bowl last night because we had been 'behind the scenes' that they were showing. Exciting I know. . But. . .Again Sadening. We talked serveral times the day of the tour how much we were going to enjoy brining our 'little one' back to tour the stadium. We will never foreget that trip. It now means more to us than we ever dreamed. We had one of our only family portrits that we'll ever have taken on the Cowboy Star along the 50 yardline!
With very saddend hearts we begain to watch the game. Many probably don't know this but Dean is a huge Green Bay fan. He watched Farve for years! Rodgers is a very close second to Farve. As the game started we could barely believe our eyes. Green Bay took it to 'em! Then it hit me. . .My mind lately has been wandering and mostly it makes me sad but this time it made me smile. I just happened to have a little picture of Jackson in an angels arms with a big 'ole slice of cheese on his little head! I know crazy but the thought of our little guy being 'in' close with the 'Big Guy' above made us smile!
This became our little inside joke durring the game. Dean says he was never nervious but I was a bit when the stealers mounted their comeback. We joked that that Jackson had a few to many nachos durring half time and just woke up from his little nap when the Packers returned to the game. It was a nail biter but what a finnish!
It was beyond awsome watching the Packers win and think and talk about our Baby Boy in a Positive way!
Chelles
February 7, 2011
January 26, 2011
Our Little Ranger
Throughout my pregnancy you've recived many different nick-names! Mommy spent nearly 20weeks sick and affectiontly called you her lilalien. Your Daddy loved to refer to you as his Munchkin. Mommy has loved calling you her "little one." Durring your memoril service you recieved your lasting nick-name. Your Daddy gave you this name. He is a very proud veteren and he served as an Arm Ranger. One of the many duities of a Ranger was to go in first and lead the way for the other units. Your Daddy noted at your memorial that you were indeed our little Ranger. As much as it breaks our hearts you are leading our way! Your the first of our family to see the golden streets of perfection! You've seen the face of our Father! We know your there having the time of your life! We know your there with our beloved family that have also gone before us drikning coke floats and playing GoFish! We love to think that your with the Lord helping prepare for our arrivial also. One day. . . we will see you again, just as the Army follows the Rangers we will also follow you to Heaven!
Chelles
Chelles
Goodbye for Now. . .
Tuesday January 18th-
We woke up extra early that morning. We'd finalized the music for your memorial the night before and needed to drop off the CD in plenty of time to have it checked so that we knew it would play properly during your memorial. We only had one last project for the day before we turned to preparing ourselves.
We'd been told by many that often it help to release balloons or conclude the graveside with a special tribute to our precious Jackson Michael. Mommy spent a good bit of time thinking of the perfect way to conclude our service but finally came up with the perfect tribute. We'd looked for days for some sort of birdbath or outside holder but had no luck. The closest I found was a small red chair that was to be used as a planter. As my last resort your daddy and I ran to Lowe's and picked it up the morning of your memorial. Little did I know it was absolutely perfect! After a quick run to the store to complete your final memorial plans we headed home.
The next few hours we spent quietly at home as a family. Mimi and I finalized your memorial tribute and then we dressed and headed to your memorial.
The drive into town had never seemed more slow. Your daddy was so scared that we'd be 'late' to your memorial. With more than enough time to spare we arrived to the funeral home. Your daddy and I went directly to make sure that you where just as you should be. With some minor rearrangements, you were once again perfect. As we turned around we realized the amount of people who came to help us celebrate your little life. We were again blown away!
I won't lie and say that it wasn't miserable but we knew that you are alive and well in Heaven. Your service started with a song especially for your Daddy and Sissy. We knew you'd have been like your Mommy and Daddy and would have loved some rock music. It might have been unconventional but helped your Daddy.
Our Pastor opened with precious words and read your lengthy obituary. For a little fella you sure have a whole host of people who've come before and are still living that love you to pieces!
The next song your Sissy prepared for you the night that we learned we would have to say goodbye. She sang HomeSick by MercyME. She was so strong! I've never seen her that strong before in my life. She was truly Amazing! Your Sissy isn't known for her composure but I can't say it enough to tell you how wonderful she did. She changed some of the words to make them special to you. She made it through the whole song and only got the smallest bit choked up when saying your name. It was beautiful and meant the world to your Mommy that your Sissy sang for you. Your Sissy made Mommy promise not to cry while she sang and through grace we were both able to make it though her song.
Our Pastor then spoke beautiful words! You'll have to forgive Mommy for not being able to quote him but he took our favorite verses and delivered a wonderful sermon. Mommy had forgotten to tell him the verse that brought her through many many tough times but the Lord knew she needed to hear it again and led the verse to be included in your special memorial!
The next few songs were special for so many reasons. It breaks my heart that I was never given the chance to sing or teach you any songs about Jesus. I dreamed about teaching you, signing with you, and reading bible to stories to you. We played a beautiful rendition of Jesus Loves Me. It was for Mommy the hardest to keep what little composure she had left together. There are many things that Mommy misses but not being able to teach you about Jesus has been one of the hardest for Mommy. I know there are Angels teaching you all about Jesus and they are signing with you and rejoicing with you in heaven. I can only imagine how your innocent voice sounds singing this precious song!
The next song Mommy found searching the Internet. It was funny Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy were all searching on different computers and found this song at the same time. It was absolutely perfect. We played Visitor From Heaven by Twila Paris. It was beautiful. It had comforted Mommy so much over the last few days. The lyrics speak for themselves but are exactly how we feel.
We woke up extra early that morning. We'd finalized the music for your memorial the night before and needed to drop off the CD in plenty of time to have it checked so that we knew it would play properly during your memorial. We only had one last project for the day before we turned to preparing ourselves.
We'd been told by many that often it help to release balloons or conclude the graveside with a special tribute to our precious Jackson Michael. Mommy spent a good bit of time thinking of the perfect way to conclude our service but finally came up with the perfect tribute. We'd looked for days for some sort of birdbath or outside holder but had no luck. The closest I found was a small red chair that was to be used as a planter. As my last resort your daddy and I ran to Lowe's and picked it up the morning of your memorial. Little did I know it was absolutely perfect! After a quick run to the store to complete your final memorial plans we headed home.
The next few hours we spent quietly at home as a family. Mimi and I finalized your memorial tribute and then we dressed and headed to your memorial.
The drive into town had never seemed more slow. Your daddy was so scared that we'd be 'late' to your memorial. With more than enough time to spare we arrived to the funeral home. Your daddy and I went directly to make sure that you where just as you should be. With some minor rearrangements, you were once again perfect. As we turned around we realized the amount of people who came to help us celebrate your little life. We were again blown away!
I won't lie and say that it wasn't miserable but we knew that you are alive and well in Heaven. Your service started with a song especially for your Daddy and Sissy. We knew you'd have been like your Mommy and Daddy and would have loved some rock music. It might have been unconventional but helped your Daddy.
Our Pastor opened with precious words and read your lengthy obituary. For a little fella you sure have a whole host of people who've come before and are still living that love you to pieces!
The next song your Sissy prepared for you the night that we learned we would have to say goodbye. She sang HomeSick by MercyME. She was so strong! I've never seen her that strong before in my life. She was truly Amazing! Your Sissy isn't known for her composure but I can't say it enough to tell you how wonderful she did. She changed some of the words to make them special to you. She made it through the whole song and only got the smallest bit choked up when saying your name. It was beautiful and meant the world to your Mommy that your Sissy sang for you. Your Sissy made Mommy promise not to cry while she sang and through grace we were both able to make it though her song.
Our Pastor then spoke beautiful words! You'll have to forgive Mommy for not being able to quote him but he took our favorite verses and delivered a wonderful sermon. Mommy had forgotten to tell him the verse that brought her through many many tough times but the Lord knew she needed to hear it again and led the verse to be included in your special memorial!
The next few songs were special for so many reasons. It breaks my heart that I was never given the chance to sing or teach you any songs about Jesus. I dreamed about teaching you, signing with you, and reading bible to stories to you. We played a beautiful rendition of Jesus Loves Me. It was for Mommy the hardest to keep what little composure she had left together. There are many things that Mommy misses but not being able to teach you about Jesus has been one of the hardest for Mommy. I know there are Angels teaching you all about Jesus and they are signing with you and rejoicing with you in heaven. I can only imagine how your innocent voice sounds singing this precious song!
The next song Mommy found searching the Internet. It was funny Mommy, Daddy, and Sissy were all searching on different computers and found this song at the same time. It was absolutely perfect. We played Visitor From Heaven by Twila Paris. It was beautiful. It had comforted Mommy so much over the last few days. The lyrics speak for themselves but are exactly how we feel.
Twila Paris - Visitor From Heaven
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile
A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place
With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there
With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came
If only for a while
A gift of love to be returned
We think of you and smile
A visitor from Heaven
Accompanied by grace
Reminding of a better love
And of a better place
With aching hearts and empty arms
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came
A visitor from Heaven
If only for a day
We thank Him for the time He gave
And now it's time to say
We trust you to the Father's love
And to His tender care
Held in the everlasting arms
And we're so glad you're there
We're so glad you're there
With breaking hearts and open hands
We send you with a name
It hurts so much to let you go
But we're so glad you came
We're so glad you came
Your memorial concluded with Brahm's Lullaby. When speaking with the funeral director I balled as this song played. Mommy was sure she would lose it when it played at your memorial! It however was sweet and peaceful. It still breaks my heart that I will never get to rock and sing you to sleep but again I know your are being more than taken care of by God's Angels.
We were allowed to spend just a few more minutes with you once everyone exited the service. It was so hard to walk to away but your beloved pastor came over and said just the words we needed.
Your graveside memorial was short but sweet. By the time we made to your memorial garden it had began to get chilly! The workers at the graveside were so gracious! They had the most warm blankets for our family! With those we completely forgot about the cold. Your service was short but sweet. They played a song and then the paster said a few words. Your Mimi was so gracious enough to read a poem to conclude your memorial. She thought she did a rough job but again we were so proud of her!
We concluded your service by feeding the deer that feed around the oak tree that blankets your resting place. One of your big brother's favorite things to do when he visits Mommy and Daddy is feeding the deer. Mimi and Papa make him his own bucket and he walks around back of the land with Papa and throws food out to the deer. He then very inpatiently waits at the livingroom windown untill they come up to the house and eat every bite. We thought that it would only be fitting to have a final memorial that would give back to the earth and leave us with the hope that one day a mother with her fawn will feed upon the acorns around your resting place! That morning mommy made little blue bags filled with deer chow for all our family and friends. They had the most precious blue and orange bows that closed the bags. I wish so badly to have had taken a picture of the chair filled with the litte bags! It was the sweest most precious chair! We were elaited that our family and friends helped feed the wildlife in your honor!
Chelles
We concluded your service by feeding the deer that feed around the oak tree that blankets your resting place. One of your big brother's favorite things to do when he visits Mommy and Daddy is feeding the deer. Mimi and Papa make him his own bucket and he walks around back of the land with Papa and throws food out to the deer. He then very inpatiently waits at the livingroom windown untill they come up to the house and eat every bite. We thought that it would only be fitting to have a final memorial that would give back to the earth and leave us with the hope that one day a mother with her fawn will feed upon the acorns around your resting place! That morning mommy made little blue bags filled with deer chow for all our family and friends. They had the most precious blue and orange bows that closed the bags. I wish so badly to have had taken a picture of the chair filled with the litte bags! It was the sweest most precious chair! We were elaited that our family and friends helped feed the wildlife in your honor!
Chelles
Visitation
Monday January 17th-
With all the arrangements made with the funeral home and the memoral garden we turned our attention to preparing ourselves for your visitation.
We had been to serveral visitations/funerals in our life but the thing that botherd me most was that we didn't have the memories that most families have to look back on durring these times. The Lord again was with us and gave us the perfect idea. We might not could see your physical body but you were definently with us this past summer and fall! We hurried home to pick out pictures of our travels and included some of your birth. These pictures where that little extra that I needed to make it through your visitation! I was able to 'show your off' if only for a few hours. .but it meant the world!
We learned alot durring your visitation! We never dreamed that that many people would come out in our support to celebrate your little life! We were abosolutely blown away! We thank each and everyone who attended! We were truely blessed!!
Once the visitation had concluded we were given the oppurtunity to place a few objects in with your body. Your daddy had the sweest idea. He had recieved a snow white bible upon graduation from LPN school that he had Mimi inscribe to you. Your aunt kellie also provided a fawn with white spots for your to 'play with.' Both your daddy and I knew that we woudln't physically be with you but we wanted a picture of us with your body to be close to you. I was dead set against having an open casket for the visitation or the funeral untill that night. When the funeral home worker opened the lid we couldn't believe our eyes! You were beautiful! They had you snuggled in the most perfect way! I was given the opertunity to do one of the few 'mommy' duities I would have. Your daddy and I were able to arrange your toy's, bible, and our family picture properly with your little body. We were so thankful for this special time that we were able to spend and 'care' for you!
The sweet lady who looked after the funeral home at night told my mom before we left that she would "leave the light on for you." This melted all of our hearts!
Chelles
With all the arrangements made with the funeral home and the memoral garden we turned our attention to preparing ourselves for your visitation.
We had been to serveral visitations/funerals in our life but the thing that botherd me most was that we didn't have the memories that most families have to look back on durring these times. The Lord again was with us and gave us the perfect idea. We might not could see your physical body but you were definently with us this past summer and fall! We hurried home to pick out pictures of our travels and included some of your birth. These pictures where that little extra that I needed to make it through your visitation! I was able to 'show your off' if only for a few hours. .but it meant the world!
We learned alot durring your visitation! We never dreamed that that many people would come out in our support to celebrate your little life! We were abosolutely blown away! We thank each and everyone who attended! We were truely blessed!!
Once the visitation had concluded we were given the oppurtunity to place a few objects in with your body. Your daddy had the sweest idea. He had recieved a snow white bible upon graduation from LPN school that he had Mimi inscribe to you. Your aunt kellie also provided a fawn with white spots for your to 'play with.' Both your daddy and I knew that we woudln't physically be with you but we wanted a picture of us with your body to be close to you. I was dead set against having an open casket for the visitation or the funeral untill that night. When the funeral home worker opened the lid we couldn't believe our eyes! You were beautiful! They had you snuggled in the most perfect way! I was given the opertunity to do one of the few 'mommy' duities I would have. Your daddy and I were able to arrange your toy's, bible, and our family picture properly with your little body. We were so thankful for this special time that we were able to spend and 'care' for you!
The sweet lady who looked after the funeral home at night told my mom before we left that she would "leave the light on for you." This melted all of our hearts!
Chelles
January 25, 2011
Whirlwind!
The next several days following your birth felt like we had been sucked up in a giant whirlwind. Little did we know that for at least 5 days we would be booked solid with appointments and huge life decisions.
Saturday January 15th-
We were discharged from the hospital mid morning and headed "home." It was decided that we would gather several changes of cloths and spend the next few days tucked out in the country with family out at mom and dad's.
We knew we would have to chose a funeral home and also a cemetery but we never dreamed of all the decisions that came with each. On our way back to our home we drove through two cemeteries out hwy 5. Both would be on our way home and have easy access to our Litte One if at any time we wanted to "check-in" on him. Our only decision we needed to make was which one would we chose? Sounds simple enough right? WRONG! We made several circles around each cemetery. One set of grandparents where buried or would be buried in each set. Would we offend our grandparents if we didn't chose the same area that they had?
The Lord once again was carrying us through that day! As we made one last circle through Pine Crest he lead us to drive by a small semi frozen pound. Nestled behind the pond was a fairly new memorial garden call rightfully named "The Garden of Memories." It was still partially snow covered in areas and dressed beautifully with oak trees. Upon further inspection the ground was blanketed with acorns. If you know our family then you know we LOVE watching the deer feed in back fields at my parents house. I know it sounds strange but we were at complete peace standing under an oak tree in the middle of a cemetery.
Another Angel met us at the office of the cemetery. She took us in and made us feel right at home. I know at first she probably thought we were all nuts but said she understood. She too had property in the middle of the country and understood all to well about watching and feeding the deer. She was nearly certain that there were plenty of plots left in that garden but the map was slightly off. She asked us to meet her the next day after speaking with the funeral home and she would have our spots mapped out so that our family (my father chose to purchase land for us all at this time so that we'd all be together) would have the exact spots we wished. We would also have to place a small white flag for Jackson letting the workers know where his little body would be laid to rest. We didn't realize that it was so late when we arrived at the office of the funeral home but our Angel stayed 2 hours well past when the office should have closed! We thank the lord daily for all of her service!
We were showered with the most wonderful meal when we returned home! It was all amazing but I'll never forget how good those strawberries and bananas tasted and the chocolate drizzled bunt cake had been just what I'd craved the last few weeks but had been too sick eat!
Sunday January 16th-
Sunday we spent as a family. Still running around taking care of what seemed like hundreds of errands but as a family nonetheless. Dean and I slept till nearly noon which was wonderful for our bodies but nearly sent us into a panic knowing that we had that much less time to take care of all our arrangements for our little one!
The funeral home had to delay our meeting that morning for about an hour and a half but that allowed us to take dad out to the cemetery.We showed him the piece of property and he said that it were absolutely perfect! There was even a deer track in nearly the exact spot that we would lay our son to rest!
One of if not the hardest appointments of the week started Sunday morning at Ashby's. As a couple of late 20somethings we never dreamed we would have to sit down and plan the arrangements for our precious son! God was with us yet again as anger Angel sat with us took his time and walked us through the entire process. It was safe to say that we were beyond overwhelmed! Should we do a visitation? should we just do a graveside service? Would anyone think it was important enough to come if we had a visitation?
Ultimately we decided that we would have a small visitation and a service in the chapel of Ashby's. We would also have a short graveside service. We knew that most likely it would just be us at the graveside but felt it was vital in our healing. We didn't have to make all the decisions about music that day but we would have to have our selections soon. My dear husband brought us all to tears as he picked the perfect song Brahms Lullaby for our son's memorial. The only decision left was to view the casket that they had for Little Angels just like our Jackson.
It was absoulty perfect. Small but cozy. Snow white just as the color of perfection! They had even included a small teddy bear! Again we were all balling but they couldn't have made a more perfect place for our son's body to rest!
Our last stop for the day was to speak again with the office staff. We had gone earlier that morning to verify the markings because they had been "off" on the map we looked previously. We knew the spots marked were closer than what we had wanted but within minutes she was able to make notes and assured us that in the am they would be resurvey and we could verify the placement in the am.
Famished and with evening upon us we all headed to Colton's for dinner. By this time this evening we had just about reached our limit on crying. My aunt joined us for the meal. I'm sure as sleep deprived as we all were just about anything made us laugh. We had a wonderful meal with our family. The Lord blessed us and allowed us to have a relaxed evening meal before our next hard day!
Monday January 17th-
Flowers and Conformation of his little plot were on the agenda for this morning. Our Angel from the cemetary called us in the AM with a 'major problem' that she'd discovered when the main crew came in that morning. Knowing how partial to the deer track we found the days before she was terrified to call us and let us know that two of the spots we thought we'd have had already been bought. Little did she know that those two spots moved our plots to the right just enough that deer track was right over Jackson's plot! She then had to have the workers re survey the spots and we would have to come back that afternoon and confirm placement for Jackson's Dig.
We met yet another angel at the flower shop. With the visitation that evening we were unsure what they could get done with such short notice. Little did we realize that they work quite well and often with little notice! She sat down with us and guided us through the whole process. I've never seen or had more flowers or jewlery since i've met Dean. Needless to say he was in his element! I was in the midst of having another 'moment' as we call them and but Dean took charge and the flowers were absolutly perfect. He knew my favorite flowers and with the flower shops help Jackson's caskate peice was a perfect blend of the two!
Chelles
Saturday January 15th-
We were discharged from the hospital mid morning and headed "home." It was decided that we would gather several changes of cloths and spend the next few days tucked out in the country with family out at mom and dad's.
We knew we would have to chose a funeral home and also a cemetery but we never dreamed of all the decisions that came with each. On our way back to our home we drove through two cemeteries out hwy 5. Both would be on our way home and have easy access to our Litte One if at any time we wanted to "check-in" on him. Our only decision we needed to make was which one would we chose? Sounds simple enough right? WRONG! We made several circles around each cemetery. One set of grandparents where buried or would be buried in each set. Would we offend our grandparents if we didn't chose the same area that they had?
The Lord once again was carrying us through that day! As we made one last circle through Pine Crest he lead us to drive by a small semi frozen pound. Nestled behind the pond was a fairly new memorial garden call rightfully named "The Garden of Memories." It was still partially snow covered in areas and dressed beautifully with oak trees. Upon further inspection the ground was blanketed with acorns. If you know our family then you know we LOVE watching the deer feed in back fields at my parents house. I know it sounds strange but we were at complete peace standing under an oak tree in the middle of a cemetery.
Another Angel met us at the office of the cemetery. She took us in and made us feel right at home. I know at first she probably thought we were all nuts but said she understood. She too had property in the middle of the country and understood all to well about watching and feeding the deer. She was nearly certain that there were plenty of plots left in that garden but the map was slightly off. She asked us to meet her the next day after speaking with the funeral home and she would have our spots mapped out so that our family (my father chose to purchase land for us all at this time so that we'd all be together) would have the exact spots we wished. We would also have to place a small white flag for Jackson letting the workers know where his little body would be laid to rest. We didn't realize that it was so late when we arrived at the office of the funeral home but our Angel stayed 2 hours well past when the office should have closed! We thank the lord daily for all of her service!
We were showered with the most wonderful meal when we returned home! It was all amazing but I'll never forget how good those strawberries and bananas tasted and the chocolate drizzled bunt cake had been just what I'd craved the last few weeks but had been too sick eat!
Sunday January 16th-
Sunday we spent as a family. Still running around taking care of what seemed like hundreds of errands but as a family nonetheless. Dean and I slept till nearly noon which was wonderful for our bodies but nearly sent us into a panic knowing that we had that much less time to take care of all our arrangements for our little one!
The funeral home had to delay our meeting that morning for about an hour and a half but that allowed us to take dad out to the cemetery.We showed him the piece of property and he said that it were absolutely perfect! There was even a deer track in nearly the exact spot that we would lay our son to rest!
One of if not the hardest appointments of the week started Sunday morning at Ashby's. As a couple of late 20somethings we never dreamed we would have to sit down and plan the arrangements for our precious son! God was with us yet again as anger Angel sat with us took his time and walked us through the entire process. It was safe to say that we were beyond overwhelmed! Should we do a visitation? should we just do a graveside service? Would anyone think it was important enough to come if we had a visitation?
Ultimately we decided that we would have a small visitation and a service in the chapel of Ashby's. We would also have a short graveside service. We knew that most likely it would just be us at the graveside but felt it was vital in our healing. We didn't have to make all the decisions about music that day but we would have to have our selections soon. My dear husband brought us all to tears as he picked the perfect song Brahms Lullaby for our son's memorial. The only decision left was to view the casket that they had for Little Angels just like our Jackson.
It was absoulty perfect. Small but cozy. Snow white just as the color of perfection! They had even included a small teddy bear! Again we were all balling but they couldn't have made a more perfect place for our son's body to rest!
Our last stop for the day was to speak again with the office staff. We had gone earlier that morning to verify the markings because they had been "off" on the map we looked previously. We knew the spots marked were closer than what we had wanted but within minutes she was able to make notes and assured us that in the am they would be resurvey and we could verify the placement in the am.
Famished and with evening upon us we all headed to Colton's for dinner. By this time this evening we had just about reached our limit on crying. My aunt joined us for the meal. I'm sure as sleep deprived as we all were just about anything made us laugh. We had a wonderful meal with our family. The Lord blessed us and allowed us to have a relaxed evening meal before our next hard day!
Monday January 17th-
Flowers and Conformation of his little plot were on the agenda for this morning. Our Angel from the cemetary called us in the AM with a 'major problem' that she'd discovered when the main crew came in that morning. Knowing how partial to the deer track we found the days before she was terrified to call us and let us know that two of the spots we thought we'd have had already been bought. Little did she know that those two spots moved our plots to the right just enough that deer track was right over Jackson's plot! She then had to have the workers re survey the spots and we would have to come back that afternoon and confirm placement for Jackson's Dig.
We met yet another angel at the flower shop. With the visitation that evening we were unsure what they could get done with such short notice. Little did we realize that they work quite well and often with little notice! She sat down with us and guided us through the whole process. I've never seen or had more flowers or jewlery since i've met Dean. Needless to say he was in his element! I was in the midst of having another 'moment' as we call them and but Dean took charge and the flowers were absolutly perfect. He knew my favorite flowers and with the flower shops help Jackson's caskate peice was a perfect blend of the two!
Chelles
January 23, 2011
What A Differece a Day Makes
After celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary on the 7th the lord blessed us with the most beautiful blanket of snow that we've seen in years. I was able to spend two days worth of quality commute time with the hubby back and forth to work in our newly frozen tundra. Jackson had began kicking more and more in response to loud noises and notably when Mommy stopped eating short of when both Little One and Daddy thought she should. We had the best dinner at Copeland's. Mommies tummy held on just long enough for both her and daddy to finish our meals AND to enjoy Bananas Foster. Wednesday Sissy wasn't able to help Mommy and Daddy at AWANNA but she would have been so proud of our kiddos. They worked so diligently on learning the first 16 books of the New Testiment. I couldn't have asked for a better class!!
Thursday January 13th our world changed forever. . . . Mimi and Mommy took Daddy out for a great meal at Alley Oops(Due to the snow mommies appt was delayed 3 hours so she was able to eat a "real" meal before our apt) before attempting to locate your precious bedding Mommy had finally chosen. Mommy could have bought out all of the little outfits that Babies R US had on sale but restrained herself in order to make it to our appointment ontime.
Mommy had been more than a little apprehensive about her 24week OB appointment. Thursday was the dreaded glucose test but unfortunatly that was the least of our worries. I passed both the glucose and iron test with flying colors. Once weighed Mommy was a little nervious not thinking yet that anything was wrong but that she'd though that she had eaten better this last month but didn't gain a pound. Again nothing too troubling because Mommy had had a hard time gaining weight her entire pregnancy but as our OB had explained serveral times before that as long as Little One was growing properly that weight loss was not an issue. My blood pressure had been elivated at first check but our ob took it manually herself with a different cuff and all was well. The next serveral minutes however felt like hours. I always got nervious when it came time for the Dr. to listen to Jackson's heartbeat. She has never had any problem finding his heart beat. The only problem we've ever had was keeping him still long enough for her to properly count his beats. Today was different. Yes the doppler needed new batteries but something bigger than that was wrong. She tried her hardest thinking at one point that she had to have heard his little beating heart. Still believeing that she did hear a faint heartbeat but just unable to find the right spot with the doppler we were taken to the ultrasound room for some 'peace of mind.'
The Lord had other plans for us that day however. It was confirmed upon ultrasound that Jackson's heart was no longer beating. Through tears the tech and our ob measured our precious Jackson. Over the last month since our 20week ultrasound Jackson had not grown much if any at all. We were then taken to another quiet room to discuss our options. Still in disbelief of the news our ob and I went over every aspect of the previous months. I had passed every blood test. My vitals were always perfect. Any medications that I was taking she assured me would not have caused this. Mommy was in a minor car accident in which she had been reareneded when you were 18 weeks but you checked out perfect both at the ER and at our OB appt the next week. The only thing that was ever the tiniest bit off was that he has measured small on both utlrasounds. At out conformation ultrasound you measured a week younger than what we thought you should have. Then again at our 20week ultrasound you measured yet another week smaller but we were assured that your anatomy was perfect and that late measurements are often off 1 week before or after the actual due date. Just like the lack of weight gain his size was no indication that we should have been worried. Neither side of our family had a history of big babies. Daddy may be a giant but he started out a healthy 5lb baby boy. He did however tripple in size within weeks out of the womb. Same thing with his big brother. When reviewing my side of the family our size was no concern because Mommy is not the biggest. Our ob would have been concerned had Jackson had been large for his size because I wouldn't have had ample room for him to grow.
Our precious ob racked her brain to help all of us understand what could have possibly gone wrong. With no answers we preceeded to discussing where we had to go from there. I would have to deliver since I was past 20weeks. Mimi wanted to meet your right away but mommy needed some time to process the news and your daddy had to be told also. I chose to start the induction at 5am the next morning. Daddy's work was nothing but amazing to us. We were able to meet him in the conference room to tell him our news. The main boss of the entire organization met with us and prayed with us before and shared a special story within his life with us. Dazed we then proceeded to our house where we had to share the news with our families. Once there we were showered with love and support from family members and friends.
Over the last few weeks we had just began wondering what the day and night before your birth would be like. Would you come suddenly or would you be just like your Mimi (as your daddy would say) and make us wait and ultimently be induced. We expected to sleep very little the night before your birth but never dreamed of the great sorrow that we would be in our future.
Friday January 14th- We proceeded to Baptist at 0430 the next morning. A trip Mommy makes daily to work. The Lord did bless us this day with the most wonderful Nurses. They talked us through everything and helped us make the best decisions we could in the situation. By 0600 the process had started. After many questions and looking to the nursing staff for advice I chose to proceeded with an epidural once my contractions had begain. Again the lord sent us a Special Anesthesologist. He was caring and talked mommy though the whole proceedure. Through this point there were no complications and I was able to rest. Another dose of medication of administered to activate your birth and I was also given some ativan to help rest. We were prepared to wait all day but after an hour nap following the epidural placement I began feeling 'uncomfortable.' The nurses had told daddy to let them know if i felt any discomfort. He pressed the call button notified the nurses and they rushed in to help ease the discomfort. Thinking it was just time for a foley to be placed mommy never expected it to be time to meet you. It wasn't mommies bladder that was giving her trouble it was your precious body ready to meet your family. Within minutes your were born. Mommy felt abosolutly no physical pain and your daddy was able to cut your umbilical cord.
The rest of the afternoon was spent with family. You where held, cuddled, sang to, and even our minister (who spent the entire day with us at our bedside) held your precious body. Our ob came into check on us both and again found no evidence of imperfection. Your tiny body was perfect. You weighed 10oz and were 10 1/4 inches long. Your hair was blonde with eyes of blue just like Mommy. You had your daddy's nose and chin. Just like your daddy your poor legs were to long for your bretches. After your second bath you had the most precious smile upon your face. Indoubtably we all chose to believe that you were already drinking coke floats and playing Go Fish with your PaPa Jack in heaven. You would have been proud of your Daddy. He was one of the first to grab the camera and begin to take pictures and orchistrate the next pictures. He turned into your mommy with a camera for the day!
Before we went upstairs to our new room we met yet another Angel. She came and took your first professional pictures. It will be several weeks before we see the final resutls but from what we could see on the preview screen she did an absolutly wonderful job. I can't wait to see the pictures she took of your precious hands and feet!
A good friend of our family, who used to babysit your mommy, came in at the end of her shift and talked with us a good bit of time. She was a God send. She was both real and honest and we will never forget the time she spent holding you and comforting both your mommy and daddy.She wrapped you especially for us in another blanket before our trip to our new room. You couldn't have looked more content.
Your Mimi stayed with us overnight ane proved to be an asset in helping us through our panic attacks. Daddy and Mimi ran to subway to grab dinner once we arrived at our new room. I'm unsure of how long they were gone but Mommy and you cuddled and took the most peacefull nap of her life. After dinner you, Daddy, and Mommy cuddled up in bed and watched tv till nearly midnight. Distraught we were unsure how we would be able to return you to the nurses downstairs. Mimi helped ease that pain. She held you and went with your nurse as you returned to the special nurses downstairs.
Mommy and Daddy could not have been more proud of you that day! The nurses prepared us a special box of everything that you had either worn or spent time holding. We cherrish the work that the nurses took to insure that everything made it into your keepsake box. They realized how much your Mommy wanted a special set of footprints and took serveral prints inorder to leave us with the sweetest prints possible. Your Daddy loves showing everyone your box of goodies. We are so thankful to the wonderful groups outside the hospital that provided these precious keepsakes for our family!
The Lord blessed us emensly and even provided us with a few smiles as he continues to carry us thorugh the worst days of our lives.
Chelles
Thursday January 13th our world changed forever. . . . Mimi and Mommy took Daddy out for a great meal at Alley Oops(Due to the snow mommies appt was delayed 3 hours so she was able to eat a "real" meal before our apt) before attempting to locate your precious bedding Mommy had finally chosen. Mommy could have bought out all of the little outfits that Babies R US had on sale but restrained herself in order to make it to our appointment ontime.
Mommy had been more than a little apprehensive about her 24week OB appointment. Thursday was the dreaded glucose test but unfortunatly that was the least of our worries. I passed both the glucose and iron test with flying colors. Once weighed Mommy was a little nervious not thinking yet that anything was wrong but that she'd though that she had eaten better this last month but didn't gain a pound. Again nothing too troubling because Mommy had had a hard time gaining weight her entire pregnancy but as our OB had explained serveral times before that as long as Little One was growing properly that weight loss was not an issue. My blood pressure had been elivated at first check but our ob took it manually herself with a different cuff and all was well. The next serveral minutes however felt like hours. I always got nervious when it came time for the Dr. to listen to Jackson's heartbeat. She has never had any problem finding his heart beat. The only problem we've ever had was keeping him still long enough for her to properly count his beats. Today was different. Yes the doppler needed new batteries but something bigger than that was wrong. She tried her hardest thinking at one point that she had to have heard his little beating heart. Still believeing that she did hear a faint heartbeat but just unable to find the right spot with the doppler we were taken to the ultrasound room for some 'peace of mind.'
The Lord had other plans for us that day however. It was confirmed upon ultrasound that Jackson's heart was no longer beating. Through tears the tech and our ob measured our precious Jackson. Over the last month since our 20week ultrasound Jackson had not grown much if any at all. We were then taken to another quiet room to discuss our options. Still in disbelief of the news our ob and I went over every aspect of the previous months. I had passed every blood test. My vitals were always perfect. Any medications that I was taking she assured me would not have caused this. Mommy was in a minor car accident in which she had been reareneded when you were 18 weeks but you checked out perfect both at the ER and at our OB appt the next week. The only thing that was ever the tiniest bit off was that he has measured small on both utlrasounds. At out conformation ultrasound you measured a week younger than what we thought you should have. Then again at our 20week ultrasound you measured yet another week smaller but we were assured that your anatomy was perfect and that late measurements are often off 1 week before or after the actual due date. Just like the lack of weight gain his size was no indication that we should have been worried. Neither side of our family had a history of big babies. Daddy may be a giant but he started out a healthy 5lb baby boy. He did however tripple in size within weeks out of the womb. Same thing with his big brother. When reviewing my side of the family our size was no concern because Mommy is not the biggest. Our ob would have been concerned had Jackson had been large for his size because I wouldn't have had ample room for him to grow.
Our precious ob racked her brain to help all of us understand what could have possibly gone wrong. With no answers we preceeded to discussing where we had to go from there. I would have to deliver since I was past 20weeks. Mimi wanted to meet your right away but mommy needed some time to process the news and your daddy had to be told also. I chose to start the induction at 5am the next morning. Daddy's work was nothing but amazing to us. We were able to meet him in the conference room to tell him our news. The main boss of the entire organization met with us and prayed with us before and shared a special story within his life with us. Dazed we then proceeded to our house where we had to share the news with our families. Once there we were showered with love and support from family members and friends.
Over the last few weeks we had just began wondering what the day and night before your birth would be like. Would you come suddenly or would you be just like your Mimi (as your daddy would say) and make us wait and ultimently be induced. We expected to sleep very little the night before your birth but never dreamed of the great sorrow that we would be in our future.
Friday January 14th- We proceeded to Baptist at 0430 the next morning. A trip Mommy makes daily to work. The Lord did bless us this day with the most wonderful Nurses. They talked us through everything and helped us make the best decisions we could in the situation. By 0600 the process had started. After many questions and looking to the nursing staff for advice I chose to proceeded with an epidural once my contractions had begain. Again the lord sent us a Special Anesthesologist. He was caring and talked mommy though the whole proceedure. Through this point there were no complications and I was able to rest. Another dose of medication of administered to activate your birth and I was also given some ativan to help rest. We were prepared to wait all day but after an hour nap following the epidural placement I began feeling 'uncomfortable.' The nurses had told daddy to let them know if i felt any discomfort. He pressed the call button notified the nurses and they rushed in to help ease the discomfort. Thinking it was just time for a foley to be placed mommy never expected it to be time to meet you. It wasn't mommies bladder that was giving her trouble it was your precious body ready to meet your family. Within minutes your were born. Mommy felt abosolutly no physical pain and your daddy was able to cut your umbilical cord.
The rest of the afternoon was spent with family. You where held, cuddled, sang to, and even our minister (who spent the entire day with us at our bedside) held your precious body. Our ob came into check on us both and again found no evidence of imperfection. Your tiny body was perfect. You weighed 10oz and were 10 1/4 inches long. Your hair was blonde with eyes of blue just like Mommy. You had your daddy's nose and chin. Just like your daddy your poor legs were to long for your bretches. After your second bath you had the most precious smile upon your face. Indoubtably we all chose to believe that you were already drinking coke floats and playing Go Fish with your PaPa Jack in heaven. You would have been proud of your Daddy. He was one of the first to grab the camera and begin to take pictures and orchistrate the next pictures. He turned into your mommy with a camera for the day!
Before we went upstairs to our new room we met yet another Angel. She came and took your first professional pictures. It will be several weeks before we see the final resutls but from what we could see on the preview screen she did an absolutly wonderful job. I can't wait to see the pictures she took of your precious hands and feet!
A good friend of our family, who used to babysit your mommy, came in at the end of her shift and talked with us a good bit of time. She was a God send. She was both real and honest and we will never forget the time she spent holding you and comforting both your mommy and daddy.She wrapped you especially for us in another blanket before our trip to our new room. You couldn't have looked more content.
Your Mimi stayed with us overnight ane proved to be an asset in helping us through our panic attacks. Daddy and Mimi ran to subway to grab dinner once we arrived at our new room. I'm unsure of how long they were gone but Mommy and you cuddled and took the most peacefull nap of her life. After dinner you, Daddy, and Mommy cuddled up in bed and watched tv till nearly midnight. Distraught we were unsure how we would be able to return you to the nurses downstairs. Mimi helped ease that pain. She held you and went with your nurse as you returned to the special nurses downstairs.
Mommy and Daddy could not have been more proud of you that day! The nurses prepared us a special box of everything that you had either worn or spent time holding. We cherrish the work that the nurses took to insure that everything made it into your keepsake box. They realized how much your Mommy wanted a special set of footprints and took serveral prints inorder to leave us with the sweetest prints possible. Your Daddy loves showing everyone your box of goodies. We are so thankful to the wonderful groups outside the hospital that provided these precious keepsakes for our family!
The Lord blessed us emensly and even provided us with a few smiles as he continues to carry us thorugh the worst days of our lives.
Chelles
Jackson Michael Stapleton
God’s Littlest Angel Passed my Way
January 14, 2011
Today I was touched by God’s littlest angel as he silently passed my way,
He touched my heartstrings and gave me many words to say,
As the smile that brought to me was frozen upon his face,
Etched upon the images of my mind for forever and a day
As his little feet were perfect in every way
As his fingertips already belonged to God, as he only passed this way
Stardust was sprinkled upon the images of my soul,
Mysteriously opening up my mind to the heartbeat,
Not within my control
As my Precious Savior and Lord
Wanted my littlest Angel more
To shine within the realm of God’s heavenly Throne
Becoming God’s messenger throughout Eternity
As the wind gently blows in the whispers of the night,
And I am sitting all alone thinking of the littlest
One that came within the realms of my being,
Almost,
But it wasn’t time
He wasn’t mine,
He was God’s
But he was divine!
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